I write sins not five page research papers
if you’ve never loved a band to the point where you put on their music and just lie on the floor sobbing while still attempting to sing along to every word, then i genuinely wonder how you could ever truly love anything


the assassination of franz ferdinand was actually the most hilariously botched assassination attempt of all time though like i can’t even explain to you how badly it went i mean there were six guys and the first one chickened out and the second one forgot to factor in the delay on a hand grenade so it exploded like three cars past the archduke’s so the guy took a cyanide pill and threw himself into a river, but the cyanide was expired and the river was six inches deep so the police just pulled him out and took him off to jail and then everyone else basically gave up and headed home, and then the driver of the archduke took a wrong turn and the car stalled next to the last of the six guys, and he was just like “what a crazy random happenstance” and started world war one

the only thing more beautiful than curves on a woman are curves on a final exam

@johnmulaney: and they lived happily ever after.
AHHH HELP IT’S TOO CUTE TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH KOFFING
I swear, I will do this every single time one of my little brothers graduates from somewhere.
you are my new favorite person
my new fav photoshop genre is vintage ezra tweets
Gymnosomata, commonly known as Sea Angels. An apt name- the sea angels are the ethereal, translucent, fluttering angels of the sea.
In hard scientific terms, they’re small swimming sea slugs, but we’ll pass over that for now and just admire how delicately beautiful these wonderful creatures are.

i’m about to start screaming